She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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