eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
