When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
