For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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