her vagine was all disorganized.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
