I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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