so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
