I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize