There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.Â
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
