I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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