You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Ladies don't puke and tell
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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