She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
