By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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