well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
