if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
