I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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