I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
