ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
