Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
That reminds me...we need to get swords
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Shame - the story of my life.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
