My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
