this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
