Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
