The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
The feeling are messing with the penis
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
