I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize