y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
