I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
