Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
