some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
