Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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