you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize