Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
