Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize