I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
we're so committed to being not committed
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
