it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
