I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You can't just leave with hair like that
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
