i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
