Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
