i may or may not be watching the land before time
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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