I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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