Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
