they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
