she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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