highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
