She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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