man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Randomize
