Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
