It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
zippers are such a cool invention
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
