i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
