i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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