Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
