And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
