this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
