I wish my penis had an off switch
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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