NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
