Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
