Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
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he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
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bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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