So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
