I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
