There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
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Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
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