Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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