Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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