those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
