Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
