I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize