At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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