Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
