What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
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By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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