so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
