I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
