My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
