why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Dicks are not precious.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
