I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
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I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
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Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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