I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
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