Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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