So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
