I'm eating all of the evidence.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
