I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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