Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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