yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
